Being Mother's day I find myself reflecting on what motherhood has brought to my life thus far, and inevitably how much my life has changed. I knew it was always going to change, but you can never really know just how much and in what ways - how can you ?
During my first pregnancy and, to be honest, many years before that (when I was not into the concept of having children), I spent a lot of time thinking about all the things that would change with a child - from the lack of sleep, to having to let my career go, to never having time alone with my husband or to read a book or watch a movie, through to the multitude of serious afflictions and dangers a child could face. But the one thing I hadn't really thought through or anticipated was just how intense my love for my children was going to be, and I know now that it is that love which is what ultimately changes everything. It is this love which gets you out of bed in the middle of the night (every night), its what makes you take a deep breath and find a reserve of patience and calm you never knew you had - when really you just want to scream, it's what makes your heart ache when they are scared or sad, and it is this love which enables you to put your own needs aside, or at least much further down the priority list.
Motherhood brings daily challenges and insights, it delivers absurdity, hilarity, creativity, and exhaustion in equal measure. It makes demands on you on so many levels and teaches you so much about yourself ... aspects you never knew existed - the good and the not so good. It shows you a type of love I never knew existed, nor would I have thought myself capable of giving - and which, today ... leaves me feeling truly blessed.
Although I was always certain that I wanted children, I too didn't anticipate how all-consuming they would be, or my feelings for them would be. I find it quite hard to think about anything else, and sometimes I really wish that I could think about other things! Maybe this is just the intensity of the early years, or the intensity of me... I'll have to wait and see. Xx
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