Knowledge is power ....or is it ?

So in an effort to align myself with many of my fellow 6163 inhabitants, and to actually attempt to do what I say I am going to do, I have been attending a 'Living Smart' course which is largely about learning ways to live smart(er) to maximise and minimise my use of resources, to live more sustainably for the environment, the planet, this household, the community - so that my kids have a future that doesn't replicate a Cormac McCarthy novel.
I will say that there are other ways some people might choose to spend their Sunday afternoons, but my leisure is the least of my worries compared to this enormous responsibility ...isn't it ?
 While I have learnt a lot and made some small changes that make me feel particularly sanctimonious (which I fear is part of the sub-culture of this type of thing), I think i would say that mostly it has left me with a lot to think about, so much so that at times it has been overwhelming and nauseating.
Knowledge may be power or empowering, but I don't think this is the case for me with this stuff.
The more I hear about the extent of toxins in the immediate environment in which I place my children every day, and the lack of water we have versus the amount we use, and the degree to which non-replaceable peak oil is going to really stuff things up for a whole lot of people down the track, and how many generations it will take to decompose a single take away coffee cup lid, and the amount of effort, money and attitude shifting it requires from EVERY SINGLE PERSON to make any significant difference, the more I start to understand why climate change sceptics exist.  This stuff is very full on and really hard to contemplate, so if any two-bit English scientist comes along and says 'nonsense' why wouldn't you take comfort in that ? Rather than join the sceptics I have thought about crawling into the very large hole for the, as yet, non-existent compost, but the soil is apparently so nutrient poor the slaters would have me in about a week. I also waiver between rage (at the world, at people who hose concrete, and at those who genuinely think me putting a bucket in my shower is going to change anything) and inertia. 
And so with all this new information I may be smarter about our predicament, but I couldn't honestly say I am living smarter  ... yet

Note to self

I read about a book the other day where people have been asked to write a note to their 16 year old self.
I thought it was an interesting concept and it has had me thinking about what I would say, and while I would probably give my 16 year old self a thesis rather than a note (or some seriously big neon signs)- i thought I might share a few.....

Firstly, don't drink so much and don't think that people (including you) like you more when you are inebriated because they will stop liking that person, as will you.
Treasure your friends and don't take them for granted, because they will mostly be around for a long time to come and they will know you and still love you.
You are going to meet 'the one' earlier than some do and you shouldn't fight this or think you are missing out-you are blessed to share so much with someone who loves you for who you are, and who teaches you to love yourself too.
Be more patient and try and think things through, especially the consequences, and take a longer term view. Try and work out what you really believe in early on and stick with it - make your decisions based on those beliefs as best you can.
Don't walk away from things so easily.
Don't fall asleep on the beach at Tel Aviv with months worth of hard earned cash in your bag because that is really stupid, and don't go to countries in the middle of a war because you think it sounds cool.
Be nicer to your mother because, believe it or not (and I know it will take you a very long time to get your head around this concept and to even want it), you are going to be a mother yourself, and you too will be flawed despite all your efforts and worrying and anxiety and boundless love.
 Finally, be kinder to yourself and accept that there are some things you can't change and they are simply a part of you.

 

i love freo

Happy Birthday Arkie Charlotte

My little baby girl is 2, and I can't quite believe she hasn't always been in my life and how fast 2 years has gone. 

2 years ago today I was just lying with her marveling at the fact that I had a little girl and a safe and healthy baby.  I tried not to think too much ahead about what life might have in store for her (and me) because I knew then that she would be my last baby and I just wanted to hold her, and take it all in. I still just want to hold her and stop the clock, sometimes I would give a lot just to be back in that bed that first night with her, so quiet, so peaceful, so happy, with all the unknown ahead of us. 

But then, watching this big personality develop in front of me - and seeing how comfortable she is with herself and others, and how much she makes this family of four laugh, is also a joy to watch and gives me hope that maybe I don't have to worry too much (...just yet).

Love you Baby Girl, so so much

Party Party Party

Take plenty of sunshine, lots of home made party treats, some balloons and bunting, the great outdoors and an old retro game of pin-the-tail on the donkey, mix it up with a bunch of kids and parents who are just happy to see each other, run around and whose expectations and ideas of what birthday partys are about is so refreshing, and what do you get ? ... a stress free, casual and yet sweet and happy event ! 

 Thank you 6163 for putting the fun back into kid's birthdays partys and remembering what it is meant to be about.

Finding the artist within

A (talented, creative) friend once commented that we are all artistic you just have to find it, which at the time I scorned, but looking at my own children's outputs and those of my friends, I am convinced we start out in life with those talents but gradually, if not nurtured, we lose touch with that side of ourselves and end up as adults complaining that we have no talent and covering our walls with our kids creations

a picture tells a thousand words

Well, these may not tell a thousand words but right now with many looming deadlines at work, an inability to plan (apparently), 2 birthdays to celebrate (thus cakes to bake) family members staying, and all the stuff in between (like PILES of Laundry) 

then, I think for the next little while, pictures just may have to do

l

R.I.P R.E.M

Thoughts for Charlotte

Three years ago today a very beautiful and unique friend gave in to her battle with cancer, she didn't make 40, she didn't get to have all those conversations she wanted to have with her young son and daughter,  she didn't get back to all the places she wanted to see again and all those she hadn't got to yet, she didn't get to grow old with the man she loved... as she herself said to me  "so many losses".

This person who taught me to take stock of the small details every day, to prioritise experiences, to see the beauty in the world around me, to be brave and trust myself, to cherish friendships, the only person who still wrote me paper letters - she's gone.  

There is virtually not a day that goes by where I don't think of her, many times I feel that I am not honouring her because I am here and usually complaining about all that is in my daily life - when she can no longer have that. 

She wanted to just endure her predicament and leave this world enjoying life - but her family begged her to fight - and so she did, and it robbed her of any quality of life in the end- but she felt she had to do it for them - she thought they needed to know she wanted to be here for them more than anything else - and in the end it had spread - this person who loved words and used them to such perfection, lost her ability to write and could barely talk in the end - her brain so racked with this disease.

It still saddens me so much, but I have those letters and I can hold them, and see her writing (you don't get that with emails and texts), I have all the photos, my daughter has her name, and I have all the memories. 

I will attempt to live life to the fullest for her and because of her.

Love you Charlotte 

xxx 

So much to say ... so little time

Thinking about what I might write i feel like i have a lot in my head that I could share:

I could write about the fabulous little road trip the FoF just took, and how much I loved getting out into the open space with les enfants and seeing more of this place called WA - it really is very unique and never ceases to amaze me that 2 hours out of Perth and you really are ... not necessarily in the middle of nowhere ...but, in a place where there is nothing.

Or, I could talk about the forum I just attended this week where some Aboriginal people were sharing their heartbreaking stories of losing their loved ones to suicide - such as the mother who has begged the housing commission to move her because she can hardly bare to walk past the tree in her front yard where her son hung himself, and how all I could do was just sit and listen with my stomach in knots and a lump the size of a cricket ball in my throat (silently thinking of my own children and hoping that they never ever feel so bereft of hope that they could do such a devastating and final act). 

Then I thought about writing about the lovely man who bought our baby change table (the fact that I managed to sell something on Gumtree is worthy of a blog itself), whose daughter is having their first grandchild, and just the sheer joy and excitement in his face, and to think of that daughter and all her excitement and apprehension and remembering the feelings I had of all that unknown that lay ahead (and all you can really think about is the birth - when, really, it's what comes after that - you should worry about) and to think she is still so free and rested and so blissfully ignorant - and with 2 loving parents wanting to be so much a part of it - just made me smile.

But I think now I'll just go to sleep and keep a lot of what I could say for another time.   

What Inspires you

"what inspires you?"  "I find that so inspiring" "it was inspirational" 

these are questions and remarks I seem to be hearing a lot lately and, standing at the kitchen sink looking out the window the other day - as I do - I was struck by the thought that if I was ever asked what inspired me (unlikely, but could happen) I would be unsure how to respond.
So I have been thinking about this and concerned that perhaps I am not inspired by anything and that my tendency towards apathy and cynicism has set in like some terrible rot ! But after a long discussion with my partner in crime, love, and war I realised that perhaps 
a) I had a far bigger expectation of what it meant to be inspired;
b) Inspiration doesn't necessarily have to lead to anything, rather the very act of feeling inspired by something or someone is enough; and,
c) the people and things around you can be inspiring in a small and low key way.

On reflection I noted that many of the women I am getting to know through life at 6163 are inspiring - their commitment to their kids, their community, the earth and its future, their interests and artistic and creative talents, and the way they see beauty in the very simple things. These are all motivating me, dare I say 'inspiring me' to think, act and see things a little differently.

This moment

Pause, consider, cherish

Book Club

Went to my first book club yesterday, was curious and excited at the prospect of a bunch of women coming together and sharing their views on the book of choice as well as other things they have read or been reading. I was also keen to see what else came up in conversation, (needless to say I was not disappointed in the range) topics covered included:

• Birthing (the books, the classes, the hype, the hippies and the mystique, amongst other things)
• Writing - just how gruelling it is, writers who seem to have mastered it and those that haven't (e.g - men who write about breast feeding)
• Motherhood - full time, part time, highs/lows, super mums, and the eternal search of finding the balance 
• The pluses and minuses of having another child
• Communal living - the  good, bad and challenging
• Meditation with kids  
• Roller derby-ing
• Sibling relationships in adulthood 
• Parties, weddings and holidays

Not bad really !

Hug your loved ones

This week I've been very aware of other people's grief and loss, and while I can't say or do anything for these people that will ease their pain, what I can do is reflect, and pause, and truly cherish all that I have.  In his darkest moment, one of these people said to me it was better to have had the time he had with the love of his life - even for the short time they had together - than to never have known what it meant to share that love with someone. The other's will still be looking at the empty cot where the baby they went to have in hospital should be ... but is not...and never will be.
Life is fragile, it truly can just end, or not work out how you planned, or hoped, and things change very quickly and loss comes to all, and often when you least expect it.
I can only try to remind myself of this, every day, so all the little things that make my life what it is, don't pass me by. 

a day in the life of Finn... somedays my heart just aches with love

The making of lemon curd ...a very satisfying experience

The Getting of Wisdom

This time last week I was footloose and fancy free in Melbourne - drinking champagne with 2 of my oldest friends (also mothers taking badly needed time out), talking, laughing, dancing and then laughing and talking some more. I had my first trip away from my family since my family began and I really needed it - I will be honest and admit that before my time out I had moments (and they were only moments) when I fantasised about leaving and just never coming back. I was stressed and while my kids are probably none the wiser there was a part of me that just didn't have any spark. 

This week I returned to 2 children who were so happy to see me and I have felt energised, happy to spend time with my children and, above all, PATIENT. I see all the mishaps and annoyances as part of the rich tapestry of life with young children rather than these things bringing me to my knees. I have been motivated to do things with them just to be with them and enjoy them. My trip wasn't a long one (5 days in total) but it was enough for me to remind myself of who I am.  I now know that I have to keep looking after myself in this way - even in the smallest way (solo bike ride, movies or just taking myself off for time to think) by doing this I am a better mother and my family will be happier. 

 

Melbourne... I do love thee so

Oh Melbourne, you are one cool place with all your great coffee and even better locations, shops of lust such as a warehouse of 20th century scandanavian furniture, sculpture and museums to inspire, cool street signs, hip hotel rooms, funky graffiti and friends I love and cherish

melbourne here "I" come

Well, it has been a LONG time coming but finally for the first time this mother of two is flying solo for 5 days to reacquaint herself with the adult world where people linger in shops (lots of shops) and then spontaneously decide to have a coffee and just linger there too. Oh Yes, I am going to a place where conversations can be had, heard and finished, where people go out for a meal in funky places where there are no children  - where people stay up late and sleep in and then decide to catch a film at the International Film Festival or drive out to the Modern Art Museum in a friend's vintage car 

and, 

all I need to pack and carry is what I need 

xxx

sickness and kids - what is that about ?

ooh it's all so quiet in the little wooden, cold, damp house while one sleeps 
(which is a miracle given the barking cough she has) and the other two are out getting their 'unidentified meat in a roll' fix at the super size me hardware factory.
Life has been it's usual roller coaster. To a backdrop of rain we have endured rounds of sickness and sick related symptoms that have left me feeling that providing endless care and sympathy to the little needy, snotty and downright difficult people in this house is a tough gig, and had me dreaming of places, lives, holes in the ground I would rather be - something I am not proud of - and makes me feel even worse about my situation - but (after a stiff drink or three) I honestly think is only a human reaction - isn't it ?
I never thought caring and nurturing and stroking foreheads would take so much out of me and leave me feeling, at times (usually about 5 pm) so hard done by. 
The mantra from older and seemingly wiser mothers is that the immune systems will be tough as nails by the time they get to school - which is just as well really, because at this rate they will need to be healthy to take care of their mother who will be rocking back and forth in the corner ....drooling.

This moment

i 'heart' crochet

The people you meet

Met a man at the Doctor's today - something about me and public places that always attracts those in this world that feel the need to share their views with me - when I used to frequent public transport I was always finding myself next to these sorts of people and those who wanted to share more than just their opinions with me ... anyway, I digress.

So, this man was a father of four, divorcee, marriage celebrant, relationships counsellor and something to do with mental illness (other's it seems ... not his own) grandparent and highly opinionated. 

Thought I should share some of his wisdom - would hate to be selfish ....

So, strollers are just stupid today and we should not spend so much money on them and our kids should be made to walk earlier; 

My daughter's name is obviously "made up" - because it is "ridiculous" and my son's was obviously "pulled out of a hat" but both names are just "typical" (not sure of what);

AND...

Mothers today (like me) are bonding too closely with our children and that's why we and our children don't sleep, why we don't hand them over enough, why we are all wrecked, have failed marriages or crap relationships with our husband, and spend our life at Ngala (whose advice we don't listen to - but should).

So there you have it folks

On reflection - I think I prefer the people who just expose themselves

Me: 'What are you doing ?' (child seems to be trying to sit on his head and do push ups at the same time)
Boy Wonder: "my exercises"
me: 'Why' ?
Boy wonder: "To shrink my head" ....
Fair enough

This moment

{this moment} – A Friday ritual. A single photo – no words – capturing a moment from the week. A simple, special, extraordinary moment. A moment I want to pause, savor and remember.

In the Kitchen

Chocolate, peanut butter cookies - hope there's one of the five food groups in there somewhere